return my video game
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
