Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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