he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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