i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Too much gin, very little bucket
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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