Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
