when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
