Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
