sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
