"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
