I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
im on a boat
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