I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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