You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
