I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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