Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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