And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
