The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
