Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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