can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My ATM looks so different sober.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
