Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Text me some of your sweat
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
