He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
