he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
