i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
