so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
