So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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