Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
They took my balls.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
