Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
