ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
honey bunches of taint.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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