She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
