maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
