It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
