that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
