I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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