I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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