He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
