im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
