so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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