well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
