Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
