Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
