i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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