Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
