i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
