im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
