you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
