we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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