when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
