I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
