Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
