and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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