jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
