when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
